Don't Say It
by kakite
Summary: Sousuke is caught in the pain of remembering his past... But he says there's no problem. Kaname seems to play an important role in this, but can she ease the ache?
1. Pain Inside My Head

Sousuke held his driving dark hair out of his eyes as he waved to the small jet. He could see Kaname's blue hair and brown eyes in one of the tiny windows before it was off.

He smiled and stood that way for a minute, letting his dark coat and hair absorb the sunlight. That fish they'd caught, the first time he'd ever showed his emotions to anyone, even if it was for a slight moment.

Hair dropped over his face and hid his eyes from view.

No. That wasn't the first time.

_Mommy! Mommy, I love you!_

_Mommy? Where are you?_

_Daddy? I love you too... Where did everyone go?_

"Hey Sousuke... I heard you took Kaname into the woods"

Sousuke jumped, forgetting the long-dormant memory momentarily.

"Kurtz."

"So, did anything... happen?" Kurtz asked suggestively.

"Negative. If I am correct in assuming you are saying that with sexual connotations." Sousuke pasted his all-saving military façade on again, the lost child's voice still echoing in his head.

"Aww... c'mon man, you need to get some guts!" Kurtz prodded playfully.

Sousuke remained silent, allowing his eyebrow an annoyed twitch before leaving Kurtz to his own devices.

-O-

Back aboard the Tuatha de Danaan, Sousuke laid on his bed, waiting for sleep to overtake him. He closed his eyes and rolled onto his side.

_Mommy! There you are... What's wrong?_

_Get away! GET AWAY FROM ME!_

_But... Mommy, what happened... where's daddy?_

_I HATE YOU!_

_Mommy? That rope... The-... MOMMY NO!_

Sousuke sat bolt upright, grabbed his gun that he kept under his pillow and aimed it at the door.

"Great welcome... you really need to work on that one." Melissa Mao said sarcastically. "What's been with you lately anyway?"

The woman left her position leaning against the doorframe and sat on the sergeant's bed.

"Nothing. There is not a problem." Sousuke said officially.

"Did something happen with Kaname?" She ignored his denial.

"Negative."

"Don't just keep me guessing... tell me already!" Melissa crawled towards him seductively, causing him to inch back slowly.

"I... uh... please Sergeant Major Mao..." He looked ready to bolt. Melissa sighed and gave up her playful pursuit.

"We've been worried, that's all." She admitted. "You've just been acting... quiet... ER, lately." She mumbles a few words to herself before looking at him. "And jeez, you musta been having a nightmare before you woke up... I thought the wall was done for..."

"That would explain why my fist hurts..." Sousuke said, massaging his red knuckles and conveniently sidestepping the subject.

"Well... it's obvious that you're not gonna tell me." Melissa sighed, "Dinner's ready, anyway. Plus I think we've got one last assignment before you can return to Tokyo."

"Wait... You and Kurtz are assigned to Miss Chidori as well, are you not?"

"That's a negative sergeant. Tessa said you're on your own now that Gauron's out of commission." Melissa saluted and disappeared down the narrow hall.

Sousuke just stared after her blankly.

"There is not a problem." He whispered to the bleak metal walls before he slipped on his jacket and boots to head for dinner.

-O-

Kaname's eyebrow twitched violently as she watched her newest wannabe boyfriend kneel before her.

"Please Miss Chidori! Just give me a chance." He squeaked helplessly.

"You think just because Mister Military isn't here, you can go and beg for a date. Well, I'll have you know..." Tiny fangs were visible, as she got ready to stomp him to the ground.

"Kaname?" Kyoko's voice rang through her anger. "Perhaps you're being a bit harsh.

'Right... always has to be the good little voice inside my head.' Kaname mumbled to herself before removing the looming foot and stomping away, Kyoko following lose behind.

"You really do miss him don't you?" Kyoko said dreamily. Everything made sense to her; they had a secret relationship they didn't want anyone to know about. Sousuke had to be SO romantic to make Kaname act this way! Kyoko rocked back and fourth while tears of joy rolled down her cheeks and her eyes sparkled.

"Who?" Upon this, Kyoko fell over with a loud crash.

"Um... Mister Military? Who else?!" She exclaimed, picking herself up off the ground.

"Feh. I'm ENJOYING my time away from him. He's coming back for next week you know. I'm certainly looking forward to THAT." She ended sarcastically.

Kyoko rolled her eyes and stayed silent for the rest of the walk to class. If there was anyone in denial on this planet, it was certainly Kaname...

-O-

"You know Tessa... I think something's wrong with Sousuke." Melissa said, lounging back onto the couch and popping open a beer.

"Yes, I have noticed this too. Do you think it may be something regarding Miss Chidori?" Tessa said, bringing the end of her braid to her mouth and twisting it in her fingers.

"No. I don't think so. Of that much I'm certain." Melissa took another swig of beer and leaned her head back to look at the ceiling.

Silence.

Behind them, the broadcast played on the large LCD screens on the wall. Whoever decided what was broadcasted sure had an imagination. Currently, a large octopus was being attacked by colorful little fish.

"Do you think maybe... it's about his past?" Tessa said, her eyes unfocused.

"Well... if it is, we can only wait and see."

-O-

Sousuke picked up his small bag from the seat next to him and climbed out of the small helicopter.

He hoped that he might get some sleep now that he was on land... and near Kaname again. It was still sunny on the mainland, he noticed, and he knew that this morning he had to go to school once again, taking his position as bodyguard for Kaname Chidori, one of the whispered and therefore a likely target for terrorists.

School was within walking distance from the small landing pad, so he checked his watch and began the walk.

A cool breeze soared across the city, and Sousuke inhaled the sweet scent of the cherry blossoms long gone.

So intent was he on this smell, in fact, that he completely missed the teacher at the entrance who was checking bags.

"SAGARA SOUSUKE! GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!" She steamed.

"Affirmative, Ma'am." He took a few stepped backwards and opened his bag to reveal his latest weapon. The woman only signed in defeat and waved him through.

"I'm glad we have an understanding." Sousuke closed his bag and continued on to homeroom.

"Sousuke!" Shinji was the first to notice the seemingly mirthless figure that has just entered. Kaname spun around to make sure he was really back and uninjured.

After she had finished her assessment she groaned dramatically. "Great, and it was getting to be so peaceful!"

Sousuke nearly smiled. Nearly. No one seemed to notice.

"Hello, Miss Chidori." He said with his usual degree of military politeness.

He took a seat near her and began to ask Shinji what he had missed in his week of absence while Shinji tried to interrogate him about how his week with Kaname had gone and where he had been the past week of school. Sousuke divulged little about either, preferring to give ambiguous answers.

Sousuke jerked his head towards sprinting footsteps. They were coming towards to door... And slowing a tad. In an instant he had jumped up, grabbed Kaname and had his gun pointed at the door in time to catch their late homeroom teacher in quite a surprising predicament.

"I... HATE YOU!" Kaname yelled, throwing his arm off her torso. "When are you gonna learn that not everyone's out to kill me!"

_I HATE YOU!_

The words echoed in his head and transformed into a less familiar voice.

_I HATE YOU!_

Mommy? Your eyes... The- 

Something...

He couldn't grasp it. The dream. Nightmare?

"Excuse me, I would like to get a drink of water." Sousuke ignored the startled faces and led himself into the hallway, needing a moment alone to sort out his head.

He bent to the drinking fountain, and then straightened again without drinking. His head hurt and he raised his fingers to his forehead and massaged.

"Sousuke?" Kaname had followed Sousuke out of the room, and he jumped in surprise.

'How did I not hear her coming!' Sousuke cursed himself and lowered his hands quickly from his aching head.

"Yes, Miss Chidori?"

"Look, I'm sorry... I don't really hate you... I just get annoyed sometimes, you know?"

"That is no problem, Miss Chidori."

Kaname tore her eyes off the fascinating floor tiles to look into his eyes... to search for any sort of emotion. His light brown eyes were distant and clouded, unwilling to make contact with anything of importance.

"You just wanted a drink of water then? Usually you have some excuse or explanation as to why you were pointing a gun at the door..."

_I HATE YOU!_

"Kaname... you know how I said I feel like I could do anything when I'm with you?"

Kaname returned her eyes to the tile and blushed.

"Yeah."

"It's still the truth..."

Though this was a lot coming from Sousuke, Kaname's face still fell, having expected some romantic outburst.

Mommy? Mommy where are you? 

_I HATE YOU!_

Sousuke shook his head in an attempt to get rid of the confusing memory.

"Well, we should probably get back to class then?" Kaname suggested nervously, unsure of how to handle the situation at hand.

"Yes. That would be a good idea."


	2. Looking Up

Sousuke sat on his perfectly made bed cross-legged, his shoes and shirt arranged neatly next to him. His eyes burnt into the bare cement. A bottle of Advil and an empty glass sat on his bedside table.

Someone knocked on his door and he ignored it, deciding instead to pretend he wasn't home.

"Sousuke?" A muffled voice called.

Kaname. Someone he needed so much to see, and yet needed not to see right now.

The door opened and Sousuke remained unmoving, his eyes furthur penetrating the cold cement in front of him.

"Sousuke? There you are. I knew you were..." She trailed off upon realizing his pensive position, and his current status of shirtlessness.

"You know that could be considered breaking and entering." The bare-backed figure spoke.

"Well I knew you were home... I was just worried. Melissa told me I should come and check on you."

"There is not a problem." He asserted, still facing the wall.

"Sousuke, if there really wasn't a problem, you would have answered the door with a gun in hand thinking I was some sort of terrorist or something... Just tell me and then I can make it better and go home, ok?" Kaname came and sat uncertainly on the edge of his bed.

"I don't know."

"Don't know what?"

"What the problem is."

"Oh." She glanced at him quickly and blushed. 'Man he needs to put a shirt on...' His developed muscles taunted her.

"I've been having these weird thoughts lately... memories... ever since you left the base."

She remained silent in hopes he's further explain.

"My mother... I remember her voice." Sousuke said and massaged his head.

"What's she saying?"

Silence... The kitchen sink was dripping. Drip. Drip. Drip.

"What's she..."

Sousuke's fist made contact with the cement, hard. His knuckles bled and he just stared at them as the blood trickled down his bare wrists.

Kaname gasped and backed away a little in caution.

"That's what I am isn't it..." Sousuke mused. "One of those 'unfortunate kids' people always whisper about. Scarred."

"Sousuke, I'm sure people don't say that about you."

"That's because they don't know me. No one knows me. Hell, I don't even know myself."

Kaname kept her mouth shut, nothing comforting coming to her lips.

"I forgot... about what happened back then."

"What DID happen Sousuke..." Kaname looked at his profile intently.

_The house was dark._

"_Mommy! Mommy, I love you!_

_Mommy? Where are you?_

_Daddy? I love you too... Where did everyone go?" a boy's lost voice echoed through the chilled air. His tiny footsteps sounded room to room and finally stopped._

_His mother stood on the bed, her eyes were bloodshot and wild. Above her, from the light fixture, hung a noose._

"_Mommy! There you are... What's wrong?"_

"_Get away! GET AWAY FROM ME!"_

"_But... Mommy, what happened... where's daddy?"_

"_I HATE YOU!"_

"_Mommy? That rope... The-... MOMMY NO!"_

_The woman stepped off the bed, her neck situated in the noose. The rope cinched and her neck snapped, nails clawed at the thick rope until her breathing stopped and her arms fell to her sides. Death had overtaken her._

"She..." Sousuke took a rattling breath. "The claw marks... the blood."

Tears found their way to Kaname's eyes and she embraced the shaking figure.

"She said she hated me, and then she... she... "His pupils were small with the fear of remembering.

Kaname sobbed for him into his dark hair, both discarding the awkward situation.

"Never... never say you hate me again." He pleaded.

"Never..." She continued to squeeze with all her strength.

"If I said I loved you... would you step off the bed? Would you end it?"

Kaname gasped, better putting together what must have been going through his head.

"Never... but... does that mean..."

"What is love, Kaname?" Sousuke asked.

"I don't know... I... know I loved my mother."

"I think what I'm feeling towards you is love. Do you hate me because I love you?"

"No... No, I love you." She sobbed. "I could never hate you... I..."

"No one's ever said that to me before..." Sousuke whispered. "That they loved me. Thank you."

He finally wrapped his arms around her, breaking his vow of stillness to feel the reassuring warmth.

The face wouldn't go away. The dead eyes, pale skin and horrifyingly agape mouth. The woman that made him, and then made this horrible image for him.

Kaname leaned back onto his probably military issue pillow to look at the ceiling, her arms still wrapped tightly around his neck.

Bringing a little reality into the picture, Sousuke then realized his face was right in....

He blushed and moved Kaname down so that her head rested in the crook of his neck. Then he realized that she was on top of him. He sighed inwardly and hoped the romance of the moment would excuse the sexual connotations of the position they currently found themselves in.

"I love you." Kaname repeated again on some impulse.

Sousuke smiled in closed his eyes. This was not a problem... Not a problem.

The End.

That was my first FMP fic, so I hope ya'll liked it! I was going to make it longer, but I reached this and I figured "What a good ending" and there is was.

Please review!


End file.
